


Counterpoint

by SeriousMelAM



Series: O For a Quiet Mind [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Study, Gen, OCD, OCPD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 00:34:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1206286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeriousMelAM/pseuds/SeriousMelAM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or maybe no leader could argue against order and cleanliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Counterpoint

There is another voice. A counterpoint. As different from the angry, fearful muttering of his own mind as could be possible, yet somehow harmonious to it. Real words made of air and authority. Indomitable and calculating. Levi obeys that voice just as sure as he obeys the one in his head.

Their bargain was struck long ago with blood and threats, but Levi is well beyond fear of execution and the feel of chains between his wrists. It’s strange because trust was not something he believed in, ranking up there with hope. And if someone were to ask him now, he still wouldn’t really have an answer for hope.

But trust...trust had wormed its way in and silenced not all, but many of the reservations of his ever working survivor’s brain. The Commander proved something to him. When he did that ever thrashing thing inside was tempered, but not broken. Never broken.

Perhaps it was that Erwin could see the doubt behind his eyes. Could read the counting and the urge to straighten in the way his jaw clenched. Or maybe no leader could argue against order and cleanliness. Whatever the reason, Erwin let him have his way, deferred to his insistences and used them to hone him into a perfect weapon.

Regardless, Erwin’s word did not always go unquestioned. As long as Levi’s stubborn heart labored on the voice within him would be there to question and insist.

The days directly following an expedition tended to be especially full of such questioning. Levi meted out the answers on his knees with a scrub brush in hand. Seeking order. Hunting for something to balance the deaths Erwin places in his hands. Should anyone, especially the Commander, try to intercede Levi would shrug off their attempts.  Then chase them away with his usual charm.

This was the best he could do safe behind the wall. This small amount of order where so much was wrong. Where so much could never be straightened. He made it his penance, and he performed his devotions faithfully though there was no hint of absolution.

All of this for trust. All of this because he could not place the blame for the deaths of anyone under his command on Erwin. As far as the voice was concerned he could do better. He should do better. Justifiable costs meant nothing to his need for order.


End file.
